| fall break |
[Oct. 20th, 2006|02:48 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Oberlin Cottage | ] |
| [ | HOW DO I FEEL |
| |  indifferent | ] |
| [ | LISTENING TO |
| | Randy Newman - I Think It's Going to Rain Today | ] |
I like how the emoticon for "indifferent" is a smiley face.
I'm currently on fall break this week. I was home until today - I decided to come back early so I could work on setting up the recording equipment on this computer while no one is here. When I was at home, I walked in the church crop walk and went golfing in the rain with my dad (which I'm terrible at) and a few people from the church (including this guy nicknamed "Stretch" who smokes a pipe and golfs one-armed). Other than that, nothing much happened...not that I had any expectation that something would.
A fair amount of stuff happened between having my wisdom teeth out and fall break...most of it pretty depressing. One thing is particularly bad, but I'd rather not go into it because I still have very mixed and conflicted feelings about it. Well, I would go into it but I don't think whining about it here accomplishes anything and it's basically over now anyway.
One of my roomates is also moving out, which I knew he was going to for awhile and I don't really care either way, but I'm a little bit upset that he somehow has the impression I don't like him. I also don't know who resed is going to move into his room and when they're going to do it. I really just don't want two people who me and Mike have absolutely nothing in common with. I also have not at all been keeping up with reading in classes and can sense my grades slipping a bit. It's very frustrating to have 4 classes in 4 completely different subject areas, none of which I'm majoring in. I find all the classes I'm in at interesting, but most of the time I have so much trouble pushing myself to put in the work I should be doing.
On the plus side, I am probably going to be writing an editorial column for the Oberlin Review, which should be interesting. I can't wait to have printed some of the stuff I've said about Oberlin. I really hope I can get a reaction from some people and write something that's somewhat EXCITING and thought-provoking for a change.
I was going to work on one of my editorial pieces, but it's getting late now and I should probably head to bed. So GOODNIGHT, livejournal I don't often use. |
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| wisdom teeth |
[Sep. 30th, 2006|12:31 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | HO-ME | ] |
| [ | HOW DO I FEEL |
| |  pensive | ] |
| [ | LISTENING TO |
| | The sound of the radiator in the other room | ] |
Got my wisdom teeth removed today. It was so much more quick and painless than people make it sound...though I did have to take an incredible amount of pills. The people who do the surgery also come off as more than sadistic - I know it's an effort to relax me while the sleep medication is kicking in, but it's more than a little fucking odd (one of them kept asking me if I own a black raincoat after I told him I go to Oberlin). Anyway, my teeth still hurt a fair amount now but I'm not screaming in pain and I'm certainly way too much of a man to take the vicodin they gave me.
I'll probably be going home late tomorrow or early Sunday. I guess it depends on when I can actually chew on solid food again...not that the prospect of going back to Stevenson food sounds overwhelmingly appetizing to me. Maybe I will regain my chewing ability by tomorrow night and my parents will oblige me forcing them to get Chinese or Mexican. Now that would be delicious.
There are probably several school-related and personal matters I could talk about here, but I don't want to waste any energy on them now. I'll just let things happen as they happen and fucking go to sleep already. |
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| Waxed Flouride Dental Floss |
[Sep. 5th, 2006|03:02 pm] |
| [ | HOW DO I FEEL |
| | good | ] |
| [ | LISTENING TO |
| | Ween - You Fucked Up | ] |
After nearly going insane last night, it looks like I might have all my classes worked out. Eventually. So after feeling like I wanted to massacre the whole campus, I feel pretty good right now. |
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| at school |
[Sep. 2nd, 2006|04:25 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | OH, BERLIN | ] |
| [ | HOW DO I FEEL |
| | OK | ] |
| [ | LISTENING TO |
| | The Kinks - Australia | ] |
after running around to get about 300 different things, I'm finally settled down and at school. I was going to take care of some class-related stuff, but for some reason the building where to do it is locked and I haven't gotten a response to my emails about what I need to do. I suppose that's typical for this damn place.
I had a scary moment a few minutes ago...my computer was making a high pitched squealing noise and wouldn't start up at all. I messed around with it for about a half an hour and held the button and it would chug until I let go of the button and then it would die. Just as I was about to give up, the computer started. It was really odd, so I'll definitely be monitoring it.
so...uh, yeah. I think I'll take a nap now. |
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| school |
[Aug. 28th, 2006|01:37 am] |
| [ | HOW DO I FEEL |
| | poopish | ] |
| [ | LISTENING TO |
| | Akron/Family - Running, Returning | ] |
back to school in less than a week. I am impatiently doing nothing to prepare in the meantime. |
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| some bunny wuvz you! |
[Aug. 19th, 2006|02:32 am] |
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I tried to offset my new name with this adorable bunny picture. Enjoy!! |
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| My Personal Guide to Having a More Enjoyable Experience at College This Coming Year |
[Aug. 7th, 2006|01:09 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | The MotheRSHiP!! | ] |
| [ | HOW DO I FEEL |
| | CRAPULENT | ] |
| [ | LISTENING TO |
| | Destroyer - The Bad Arts | ] |
I Have A Very Important Announcement to Make, Children. Be Quiet Now. That Means You, Mr. Williams. Thank You.
Today's topic will be a list that takes into consideration What Jack Fucked Up his first year of college and tries to formulate different methods in order show What Jack Can Do to fix those Things He Fucked Up for his second year.
(no, I am not on drugs right now).
1. College is for pussies. Drop out and become a roadie for a White Snake cover band.
If above doesn't work out:
2. Get out every once in awhile, off the computer, and go outside. Yes, outside. Especially now that you're not swimming anymore. You heard me, you (as in, me).
3. Don't be passive-agressive. It's stupid and it sucks. If you want something, ask. If you are angry about something, say it (lightly if possible).
4. Play more poker in order to take money from rich kids who think they really know how but only kind of know how to play.
5. Don't be afraid to keep in contact with people you've talked on occasion before but haven't previously been in regular contact with.
6. College is not the end of the world. Don't act like it is, you emo faggot. If you mess up little things, you mess up. It happens and it's not a big deal.
7. Find something interesting that you enjoy doing, relax, and let interesting people come to you instead of constantly trying to search them out.
8. Don't ever ever ever ever ever ever care about what other people think or will think. Most of them are kids who are equally, but probably even more confused then you are. Being at Oberlin doesn't make them have any more common sense than anyone else. So don't worry about offending people. Be yourself, always, and do what you want to do. Just because other people aren't having fun doesn't mean you don't have to. In other words: Don't Let It Bring You Down, It's Only Castles Burning, Just Find Someone Who's Turning And You Will Come Around.
In conclusion, I'd like to Thank Me for staying up Past My Bedtime to write this.
ThaTZ ALL DUDeZ!!~ |
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| like my new name? |
[Aug. 2nd, 2006|02:27 am] |
| [ | HOW DO I FEEL |
| | peepee | ] |
| [ | LISTENING TO |
| | Bob Dylan - My Back Pages | ] |
Pool's closed this week, not that I work there much anyway. PRETTY boring around here, I must say.
I've been wasting a lot of time reading the oberlin livejournal, which has just depressed me somewhat. I'm both reallly looking forward to going back to school and dreading being around oberlin students again. Last year really killed my sense of humor, and I've only begun to gain it back again. College seems to do that to people.
It would be so very nice to be at least every once in awhile be around kids who didn't think the fate of the world depended on everything they said and did...and every once in awhile remembered it's okay to just laughed. Because it really is funny. And the more mean-spirited and offensive the jokes get, the more hilarious they are because of the kneejerk responses they elicit from people. I could also go without seeing loosely thrown around terms like "counter-culture" or "transgendered awareness" or "gender-identified" that basically mean next to nothing.
This is all just being pensive, however. I am a very bored slug right now, but I know I'll appreciate my current inactivity in the future. So I feel pretty good about how (over)privileged I am right now to be doing nothing. |
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| birthday |
[Jul. 25th, 2006|12:37 am] |
| [ | HOW DO I FEEL |
| | pretty okay | ] |
| [ | LISTENING TO |
| | Creation - Making Time | ] |
T'was my birthday today. Didn't do much...my mom actually forgot and thought it was tomorrow, but she usually does that. I never did a whole lot for my birtday, and we're working on getting a guitar for a present so that more than makes up for it.
I'm also working a little bit at the Kenyon pool lifeguarding...which is just enough of a job to get a tiny bit of money.
I have to say, knox county life is pretty damn boring. After being at the county fair for under two hours today, I already got sick of the place. I can't believe that's the big attraction for people here basically the whole summer. Looking at horses can't be that exciting after more than a few, say, minutes. I also can't believe that the whole place was littered with that "GIT R DUN" slogan and confederate flags...Ohio was part of the Union, you idiots. That's what the civil war monument on the square in the town is supposed to represent.
Anyway, I'm going to bed. Later. |
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| and then I... |
[Jul. 11th, 2006|12:54 am] |
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got fired a few days ago! I didn't enjoy the job much, so it's ok, but I didn't much to deserve getting fired beyond not being liked. Looks like it's back to square one for me. |
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| really long post |
[Jun. 8th, 2006|12:59 am] |
| [ | HOW DO I FEEL |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | LISTENING TO |
| | The Kinks - Shangri-la | ] |
I've been meaning to make a post here for awhile, but I've been incredibly anxious about it. I'm about to write a fucking dissertation here because it's been building up and I finally convinced myself to spit it out. Here goes:
I read MAUS pt. 2 last night and today. I also read Blankets a week or so ago. I've been really getting into graphic novels lately, even though I've never gotten anything out of comic books or manga or any of that stuff (aside from comic strips like Calvin and Hobbes and the Far Side). There's a level of complexity in graphic novels that that does much more for me than anything else right now. Maybe seeing the characters helps me become more attached to the characters.
Anyway, there was a bit in Blankets that stood out. The main character (the teenage version of the author) is a quiet rural high schooler who's interested in art and drawing. When he visits his girlfriend's school in a more populated area, he sees that people are interested in the same kind of stuff he is and says "I didn't realize this grunge thing was so popular". He's disappointed because it makes him feel less special and unique.
That pretty much expresses how I feel after one year at Oberlin. I never had friends interested in quite the same type of stuff I was in high school, so I went into college hoping to meet a bunch more people like me who never cared at all about class gossip and spent most of their time tring to seek out new and interesting things. I even wrote my college essay about my interest in "super-weird" stuff like Guided By Voices or Neutral Milk Hotel, because I thought that was what college was about. I was especially expecting more from girls. Part of the reason I never bothered dating in high school was that, with a few exceptions, I basically hated all of the girls around me. Having members of the opposite sex who were smart and could form intelligible thoughts without giggling every 10 seconds or pretending to be super bad and dressing like some variation of goth because they're children of divorce was going to be this mindblowing turn-on for me.
But in the end, I experienced High School Part Two, except with slightly more articulate and dramatically more liberal people. Regardless of the differences between political or religious affiliations, it's still all about maintaining some kind of social stature and going to parties and doing all that kind of stuff I hated and avoided in high school. Something like Neutral Milk Hotel is now almost mainstream, and I'm beginning to be classified into "hipster" territory for liking a band like them, even though I have absolutely nothing else in common with the stereotype.
The whole year was just depressing... if I don't have anything in common with the people who like the same weird stuff I do, who the hell am I going to relate to?
In real life, I generally keep my emotions and thoughts pretty well guarded for a reason. The reason is I don't feel comfortable telling them to people who either don't want to hear about them, will be made uncomfortable by them, or won't understand. When a random girl I sort of know from high school asks me "what's wrong", what am I going to say? How do you say "the world sucks, including you, and no one does anything that makes sense" to someone so bouncy and unaware? In all likelihood, she's just asking to be nice...she really couldn't care too much about how a random person she sort of knows like me feels, nor do I blame her. I wouldn't want to hear a reply of "well, I really don't like you very much and I doubt you'd understand anyway", which is the answer I'd give if I was being completely honest.
On the other hand, doing this emotional catharsis crap online is pretty easy for me. I did it in on the oberlin livejournal a lot, to the point where I've probably convinced half the campus that I'm a frustrated serial-murderer-in-training. I guess it's hard for a lot of people to understand this, but I always need some kind of outlet for my frustrations. And if people I know in real life don't want to hear about them, they're coming out online. I thought the livejournal community and facebook might be my only hope to meet people who shared my frustrations, but very few people actually take either place very seriously and someone like me who does is looked at as odd and creepy.
Fast-forward to now, where I've been back to my little highschool bubble for three weeks and sit on the computer and watch tv upstairs behind closed doors all day. In a few more days, I'll be working at a camp surrouned by happy-go-lucky Christian kids and staff and doing lots of work that I don't feel like doing at a time when I'm certainly not feeling up to dealing with lots of other people. At least I'm not a counselor. Still, I doubt I'll be getting much of anything worthwhile done. The boner that is artistic vision dampens real quick after doing stuff like being a "hopper" for meals at a place called "Skipper". Then again, I guess you could say the same thing about being around parents.
I haven't directly said it here, but due to the kind of stuff that's been brought up: alienation, fear of rejection, etc. it should be fairly obvious that I'm not as much talking about simply making friends. I have some friends, after all, and my living situation will be good next year.
I mean that I need a girlfriend. I need emotional support, and I need someone who's actually going to understand me. Ok, so this isn't exactly the most original or shocking need for someone to have. I've just always been suprised by how other people so easily and lightly enter into relationships. It's an incredibly serious thing for me. It's like reaching the promised land - you have a friend you can talk to, share all your deepest secrets with, feel completely comfortable around, and have sex with.
I guess I got mixed up after reading all those stories about courtship during the Middle Ages in elementary school. I thought that was how things worked. For me, acheiving a good relationship appeared to be a gold mine that could only be acheived through tremendous amounts of adversity. How people could come and go from them so quickly in High School just baffled me. I keep hearing about how women say they want guys who are a lot like me, but most end up with the opposite. It's so painful to hear that when I know, right now, precisely what my needs are and what kind of person I'm looking for. Beyond that, I'm also afriad of looking like a complete creep and a stalker while talking to girls, because I have a tendency to put the ideal one on a pedestal.
The combination of self-consciousness and my loathing the fact that the "chicks dig jerks" stereotype ends up holding true so often leads to me hardly even trying at all. I'm still 18 yet I lie around all day moping and go to bed each night wishing I had someone there with me. I have so much more of my life left, yet I haven't been able to even remotely get this out of my head ever since the beginning of college. It's painful and I don't know what to do with myself.
Anyway, that's quite enough for now. It's past 3AM and I've done plenty of writing. I at least feel better for getting this all written down now, even if I haven't begun to cover everything. I'm going to listen to this song one more time and go to sleep in my own Shangri-la. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 5th, 2006|12:58 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | HOW DO I FEEL |
| | good | ] |
| [ | LISTENING TO |
| | Minutemen - Jesus and Tequila | ] |
I'm at home and about to attend my brother's graduation. It'll be good to get away from school and that anonymous thread for at least a day. When I get back to school on Sunday, I'll have a shitload of work and not much time to do it in. Whatever. Until then, I'm in a pretty good mood. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 7th, 2006|11:52 pm] |
| [ | HOW DO I FEEL |
| |  lethargic | ] |
| [ | LISTENING TO |
| | Guided By Voices - Lethargy | ] |
Last 4-5 days have sucked for no particular reason. I'm vowing to feel better tomorrow and spend less time sitting around moping and playing videogames.
ALSO MIGHT STEP UP THE WHINING IN THE LIVEJOURNAL. CUZ IT MAKES ME FEEL SO MUCH BETTER!!!!11
LETHARGY! LETHARGY! LETHARGY!
I apologize for the outburst. Just trying to get some energy into MySelF. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 20th, 2006|10:54 pm] |
| [ | HOW DO I FEEL |
| | okay | ] |
| [ | LISTENING TO |
| | Galaxie 500 - Blue Thunder | ] |
It APPEARS as if I have a radio show every Saturday morning at 8AM from now on. It's not a great timeslot, but at least it's better than the 5AM Sunday morning slot I held last semester. There was a station meeting tonight and the people were in charge were equally as uncongenial, if not worse than the first time. They were yet again incredibly discouraging, and said ridiculous stuff again like "more than 5 seconds of dead air is illegal and we will fine you". Even if it is just stuff they have to say, I think it really scares people away from talking that much or at all on the air. There's a lot of great music to be heard, sure, but I bet people might have interesting things to say if you didn't discourage them from doing anything even remotely out of the ordinary or contreversial. It is, after all, college radio so people aren't expecting homogenized professional programming.
OH WELL. Anyway, the show should be fun. |
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| WEEKEND!1 |
[Feb. 17th, 2006|04:30 pm] |
| [ | HOW DO I FEEL |
| | accomplished | ] |
| [ | LISTENING TO |
| | The Fall - Flat of Angles | ] |
My project worked out okay, I think. You can download it here, at least for the next few days:
http://s37.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=2VSW3I5D8UIY02Q5SHY100MBXA
There's a lot of problems I never got to fix, but I still think this is pURTY good I should do what I can to get other people to hear it. I'm getting full credit for it, and GUNNA meet my sponsor if he ever bothers to email me back. It's very likely he won't.
After swimming conferences (which went...swimmingly, by the way), the dust cleared and the heavens parted and I saw the light. That is, my schedule has worked out perfectly and I actually got into the classes I wanted to be in. Except for the INCREDIBLY yawn-inducing college music history class. HOWEVER, it is harmless.
Now I just need something to fill the void of my meaningless existence - stuff like that. The radio station should do a good job with that. I'm doing a show tonight from 10PM to whenever, and I'll hear about if/when I get a regular show on Sunday.
Thus, I feel accomplished. Thus, it is time for me to play videogames. Thus, bye. |
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adhesive_boy's journal